Life Can Have Joy

You just need to know how to find it.

Dear Baby Maybe,

You think that life is supposed to be hard. You think that struggle is how you show your worth. You think that overcoming is the only way to be. You don’t know that people have the option to just be. You hate the world around you. You hate the struggle and the pain. You hate life, if we’re being honest. You just don’t know that what you’re doing is hating life. You think you’re happy. You think you’re proving yourself.

But I’ve grown up to realize that there are people without the struggle. I learned about how other people live, I learned about other people’s lives and realized that it didn’t always have to be hard. It wasn’t supposed to be hard. But the powers that be make it hard for us. So I buried the idea of overcoming as a means of being, and decided to find a way to just be. I guess in a way that was still overcoming, but I wanted to break free and find an overcoming that could become overcame. I forgot what thinking we’re happy felt like. I forgot about the sense of accomplishment that came from struggle and hustle. I forgot about that way of life, and I started to find my way to actual joy.

I forgive you for who you are in those circumstances. You are doing your best, even when your best doesn’t show up. And in retrospect, I’ve ended up forgiving a lot of people around us. I realized that they, too, were often doing their best. I live now, not in defiance, but on a journey towards joy. I found a way that I can be. Just be. And I’m going to be. I demand to be. I demand joy. I demand freedom. I am finding a quality of life that makes me happy, not a quality of work that helps me prove it.

I dream of this reality, not of this wish. I need this to be true and therefore it will be true. I will find out what happiness actually feels like. I will find joy in this life. I am. I can be. I have joy and fulfillment. Fulfillment! Maybe it’s not joy. Maybe joy is only ever temporary. But fulfillment. Fulfillment feels possible. Fulfillment can be sustainable. And it can be malleable. And it can be imperfect. And it can be good.

You used to think that life was supposed to be hard. But now I know that it can be good.

Your Future,

Mae